The company of ‘giants’

Pathetic title this. Even more pathetic is the thought process that is going on in my mind right now.

Fyi.The title is actually taken from a quote by Jack Welch, the ex- CEO of GE.

When I joined this place where I now work, all of us were equal or so it was made out to be. But in the past three years everything has changed. Everything except me. I still am at the lowest rung in the management ladder. Had the misfortune of getting a below average appraisal and while everyone around me kept moving on. I stayed back. Most of the times on purpose and the other times, I was just plain unlucky.

How wrong was I? What was I thinking all this time? These thoughts come and haunt me now. The worst questions are yet to come. But I have this ability to run away from things I don’t want to face. So, safe for now.

In the final year of my college, I joined a CAT prep course, and I did not attend even a single lecture, did not appear for any of the mocks and took a loan from a friend so that I could go to Jamshedpur to write the exam. I of course, spent a major chunk of that cash on liquor.

My thoughts at that time were simple. I am in the final year of one the best periods of my life. Should’nt I be enjoying this with my friends? Why waste this period studying for MBA? And so year one was down. And I joined this company.

I joined this company and I thought, since I have joined, I should atleast stay for one year and gain some experience. And worked like a maniac, when my friends came home early and started preparing. I always told myself, this is work. I need the experience. I need to become a man now before joining an MBA. And year two was down.

In the third year, I was shifted to one of the worst places I could have been, I thought this should teach me a lesson, and I started studying but a little too late and a little too less. Nothing happened. I mean of course, if you see the end result, I still was at the same place. And so passed year three.

Now in the fourth year, when I was just thinking that it couldn’t get any worse, a torpedo, the intra company selection of the crème-de- la- crème happened. And I didn’t appear once again, thinking I was not ready yet. Not now. But the selection happened and I still am at the same place. year four down.

I read a quote written by Fyodor Dostoevsky sometime back. It offered a solace, yes. But, it was not to be there forever. If it had been, I wouldn’t be writing this piece now. Would I?

All the people who were with me during this period have now gone on to become giants. And here I am. Lurking in the darkness called ‘routine’ which is consuming me by the minute and now it feels even I don’t want to face the light of the day.

The worst questions have now been asked. And I shall do now what I have always done... Run away.

P.S- pls do not offer your sympathies. This was written because I wanted to accept the mistakes I have made.