Aankhon me jiske..koi to khwaab hai..
Khush hai wahi jo...thoda betaab hai....
These lines from the poet javed akhtar should convince any living soul on earth to dream....and dream big....but for some reason I have become passive to these lines as well. Now a days I live like there is no today, there was no yesterday and there is no tomorrow. My life 6 days a week has become a silent movie which keeps repeating itself after every 24 hours. And my weekends are another silent movie which repeat themselves every Thursday.
Every morning I wake up at 7.20-7.30, finish my daily chores and leave for office by 8.00. I reach my office at 08.30 and then begins another of those days I rue. I have a morning meeting with my boss at around 09.00. Everyday he sets targets for me which are to be met, which I don’t meet inevitably.
Then I go to my line which I push till 03.00 and then I linger for two hours and I leave the office. I come back home either go for tea at the nearby shop and then come back and either roam to other peoples rooms or come back to my room and play NFS. My dinner comes in a plastic bag at 08.20 which I have by max 09.00 and then I go out to buy some smokes and pudiya for the next day....
That’s it....next morning its all the same....waking up, going to office...blah blah blah!!!
The only happening thing in my life is that now I have begun to drink more than usual...some how I feel that this can elevate my mood...but instead drinking gives me sleepless nights...It seems long that I have slept undisturbed for 8 hours......
This insomnia is something inexplicable...either it is a side effect of alcohol or a side effect of my job pressures I do not know......but its there...its real and its killing me slowly.....
I also seem to have lost all concern...for my family, for my friends, for my girlfriend....no one seems to matter any more........
But everyday I wake up thinking..this day is going to be something different from the previous ones....something exciting is going to happen..which is what keeps me going from day to day...weekend to weekend.....but that exciting thing never turns up.....
I have always had this bad habit of day dreaming of how my life should ideally be.....I should get time to learn and play the guitar....I want to go to the gym, may be atleast jog for few days a week, I would get rid of my tummy and be fit and fine.....I would look something like salman when I’m 40. What does a man do to get what he wants....that is a question I always ask myself.....earlier it was a presence of a female who would love and care for you....this I have now...but still it doesn’t seem to have helped anything....
I’m still waiting for that one fine day...where I would wake up and do what I want to do with my life.....I’m still waiting .......
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