Horrible, horrible this day is for me.
I am alone, in my room. I have smoked 5 cigarettes in the last 3 hours. I don’t want to get drunk. I have work pending from my office. i shouted and cursed one of my best friends for not acting like one.
Four episodes of how I met your mother have done nothing to lift me up. I cant talk about this to anyone because then they would think ‘ohh!! U face a lot of these days. We are alone too…aren’t we living our lives? “
This is one of the primary reasons I loved college. I always had people whom I could go to. College brought me a variety of people with a variety of sensibilities. It was always entertaining, even a mundane thing as watching an old hindi film was exciting because the people made it so.
Those who resort to books, movies or pets to get rid of their boredom have never ever given people enough chance. Those intellectuals who curse the morals of this world that we are living in should try and live it instead of blurting sermons to fools like us.
The other day, D said…during an entirely unrelated conversation that we were born losers. By we he meant him and me. I so wish this was not true and I don’t want to believe it but in my heart of hearts, the pessimist that I am, I know that this could be. Inspite of our dreams to achieve we may not make it big.
But strangely this fact doesn’t seem to bother me much. Because at this moment, inspite of being at this place and time, there are people somewhere in some corner of the world who consider me as their friend. What bothers me is that whether these people whom I have now would stay forever. What bothers me more is that none of the people whom I call friends are with me now.
Loneliness brings out this animal in you which will devour if u don’t treat it. It brings out your entire life story and plays it in the form a ghastly movie which you can never forget. It will make you think that your entire life was a joke. A dream if u can since most people are now bitten my the movie ‘inception’ which never existed. And the moment you die in this dream, you will get a kick and you will wake up in the real world.
It is like those characters John Nash sees in the movie, ‘A Beautiful Mind’. What if none of these people existed ever? What if you wake up and realize that the world that you’re living in is a close resemblance to the one George Orwell describes in ‘1984’.
What if this animal gets the better of you and you end up in an asylum.
What if your life had no meaning at all.
5 comments:
Lately its happening that I enjoy but dont like what you write. Even don't understand what to reply or comment on that!
Might sound cliched: but very well written!
Dont know what to say! Beyond my intellectual capability.
what i said is not sugar coated...it was just plain me. neway...spend a day alone and u'll understand :)
Kamath: (Hug)
i mean i know you may not need it. but praises to your writing which made me wanted to give u one.
ila: thanks...even the smallest of things can help u remain sane. ur hug was just that :)
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