I had a strange feeling as I was getting ready for my first mock CAT ever today. Feelings as strong like I were a young warrior getting ready for my first battle. Although it may sound farfetched considering that I will have to face these battles, every Sunday from now on.
My love or passion or obsession, whatever you may choose to call it began about 6 years ago, when I was preparing for IIT JEE. My thoughts then were influenced by the people I had around me. I used to see geeks everyday in my class, thinking that all these guys can think about is Math, Physics and Chemistry. I thought if there were an exam which would test the general attitude towards life, attitude towards taking challenges, extra curricular knowledge, I could beat them hands down. It is a very normal human attitude( or so I think) that everyone thinks highly of him/herself. So, all these thoughts used to race through my mind whenever I got lesser marks in my exams, ridiculed for not being so intelligent as other people.
Then I came to know about CAT. Although the written exam is still the one which geeks crack, but my expectations were more from the interview in which the person and not his knowledge is tested. This may seem fairly utopian now, but then that was my thinking.
Now, 6 years later as I was getting ready for my first CAT, I began to think, what was I thinking then? I am not even capable of becoming a manager. Whatever experiences I have had since then have forced me to have second thoughts about my ultimate dream. I am no different from any engineering graduate. I have done nothing spectacular in either my acads nor my extra curriculars nor my personal life that is to say neither I am a first class with distinction neither I am very good at quizzing or gaming neither I have a girlfriend (of all the three, the latter hurts me the most!!).
I sometimes wonder, what right do I have even to dream about getting into an IIM? Shouldn’t I be happy with my current job, getting decent salary for my age, slow and steady progress in the company? Live forever in this god-forsaken city Kolkata (don’t even get me started about it) unless some opportunity knocks elsewhere.
It is then that my ego comes and tells me, no Sudhakar, you are good, you are different from the crowd, you are special. But am I really that only time can answer. As of now, I am getting ready for my next battle; the next mock CAT that is.
4 comments:
gr8 post dude....i always knew u had it in u.....n as usual i see the thoughtful(read pessimistic:)) Sudhakar here....n bout CAT i really believe u can make it.....
hahaha....arey aashu pessimistic kya...jo dikh raha hai...wahi likh rahe hai :)
:) a nice post. Quite self-effacing, exactly the way u are. All the best for the next year! U got all the ingredients to get inside a college, no idea of your management skills though :P. Never mind, only 1% come with management running through their blood, rest make it to the top. u r definitely not from that God-gifted 1%. Make your way towards the top. Always there with n for u!!!
great post sudhakar.., i was thinking about u that you very much thoughtful persons, words coming from your mouth weights a lot for me( I can't guaranty for others..)in terms of logic & thought and today when i went through ur blog it really .....( i don't have word)..
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