The Ludlum Bullshit

Something written a long looong time ago....just thought would be apt for the moment. Had to bribe a policewallah to lodge an FIR

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Funny ain’t it….as some of us Indians who’ve grown up reading Ludlum or Tom Clancy or for that matter any B grade author who talk about spies, espionage, under cover agents, covert operatives come to terms with the stark reality that stares in our face today…..

Jason Bourne, one of the more famous Ludlum characters, is an under cover CIA agent, part of some Treadstone or Blackbriar program…..gets attacked by amnesia, is one deadly assassin and is wanted by police all over the world. Wherever he goes, people follow to kill him…which they don’t..because he’s that good.

Can u imagine our very own special undercover agent Jaikishen Burnwal (a very pathetic degrading of Jason’s name)….who has infiltrated the ranks of any of the trillions of jihadi outfits and succeeds in killing their top man. Then, he runs all over the world with fake passports, huge amounts of cash deposited in numbered SBI or UCO bank accounts which freeze if you are unsuccessful in opening them in three attempts???

The very simple reason is you can’t. Because there isn’t any Jaikishen Burnwal who is out there risking his life to save us fools. Although you might find countless Jaikishen Burnwals (JB…just to avoid typing this typically Indian looooooong name) at the traffic signal chewing gutkha or smoking a bidi…probably taking a hafta from the panwaala and thinking that he would get biryani for his wife today.

Why only Ludlum, take Hollywood movies for example..The Recruit, James Bond series, The Bourne Trilogy, The hunt for red october, or any other spy-action movie for that matter. Agreed, most of it may be the writer’s vivid imagination but there must be some fragments of truth in it? Why can’t we assume that atleast there’s an undercover agent in atleast the local municipality if not the ministry of defence.

The people who join the police or the CBI here, do not join to fight crime. They join so that they get a government flat, a fat pension package and countless other perks. There are no undercover agents. Who would want to be that when you can lead a normal life just sitting in the office gobbling up samosas and leave the office at 5 p.m.

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Just Lyrics

Meri raah bhi tu, mera rehbar tu

mera sarwar tu, mera akbar tu,

mera mashriq tu, mera maghrib tu....

saahib bhi mera, murshid bhi tu...

tere bina ab main jaoon kahaan?

a stanza from the song 'rangrez' of the movie 'tanu weds manu'

people might find this to be a ridiculously unknown song and i might be christened a hipster

but even 2 years after its release, i love this song. 

it also happens to have a  much more profound effect when i'm drunk. 

is it that i miss someone or that i have no one in my life is pretty much a debatable question.

Back In Black...

So.

It’s been more than a year since I edited this page. What has happened with me since then??

31^st December’ 2011- Awesome party at my place!! Had about 8 people in my small room all of them drunk as pigs and dancing….an event, the awesomeness of which has never been repeated since.

January’ 12- Delhi and Gwalior Trip-

Some guy’s marriage. The only reason I went was D and Chatur. And meet them I did. But the immeasurable pain and boredom of the preceding 4 days was enough to make me hate Delhi forever. And not to forget the ‘grand’ scale of the wedding….the tonnes of food wasted….made me want to throw up.

March’ 12- Ezra’s wedding

This was a great trip. For the first time I was actually participating in a marriage. Night time drives in Hyderabad for the first time. A full fledged old city’esque wedding was beautiful. And on the way back to pune, I lost my 15k phone.

Sharad’s visit

There is something about this guy. Everytime (and I mean EVERYtime….) I have met him since college, I find him more and more suicidal. I try helping him and give up by the end of the visit. The January pain was revisited and considering that this visit lasted for almost 10 days…I almost needed a rehab.

June’ 12- Trip to Gangolli.

It’s always discomforting for me when I have to visit that place. Somehow, it reminds me of a place stuck in 19^th century. The only giveaway is the mobile phones and dish TV connections. Imagine there is only one road- called the main road in gangolli which shows up on Google maps. There are more temples than cigarette shops in the tiny village on the west coast of India  And that it was June added so much more…I literally begged for the days to pass.  

August’12-  Dhruv, Chatur and Mudith at once

In an occurrence rarer than MMS ji speaking, all four of us were together.... for the first time since 2007. And mudith’s entry was the most magical. I cannot forget that phone call in the morning…’ raat ko aa raha hu…airport lene aa ja’ . D exercising his authority over me the previous night and throwing up at EG made me realize, how much I love these guys. Unfortunately, the last night got screwed up. Got a fresh look at things I should have long foreseen.

October’ 12- A wedding and a 6 day holiday

Quite a happening month. The wedding itself was not a highlight. But what succeeded the wedding is etched in my memory. It started raining at 3 in the morning. Ezra, imran and I left in a car thinking how to reach my place. And I was aching for smokes. And then, just like a godsend, appeared a chaiwala who was open at 3.30 in the morning and in the heavy rains. From there we went all across the city to Barkas just because Imran had heard of a place which served Haleem at 5 in the morning. The 6 day holiday included an ass-numbing trip to lavasa. A lot more happened here that I came to know of later…

December’ 12-

December 9^th. The date which I feared and loathed the most….had arrived. And I had my brother for company.  And much thanks to him I did nothing ‘stupider than usual’ as I had planned.

December 31^st- a largely forgettable day with a night I wish would forget. The moral of the story running in the background all this time was clear.

PS- Just tried writing something after a really long time. Couldn't think of anything else for a start.

Utterly Meaningless Post- Part III (The much needed addendum)

I did not sleep that night. The rat had got into my table drawers and created a mess; the sight of which has scarred me for life.

The next day, four brave men tried to capture and kill the creature. But as is shown on TV, it escaped and has not been heard of since.

Wonder why mice are glamorized in fantasies and cartoons when in reality they are just filthy creatures.

‘The thing’ which I was speaking of…was an internal transfer to Hyderabad. The Pros and Cons list when made in my mind went on something like this

Pros

1.       I would get to stay at home (??)

2.       A much needed break from the current position which demands that I be a castrated bull i.e. be able to lock horns with anyone but not cause actual damage by screwing them over

Cons

1.       I did not want to go home

2.       The job sucked there too….if verbatim accounts of my ex-colleagues who have shifted there are to be believed

3.       The fact that I am not much of a social guy…

4.       I did not want to go home

All said and done, it seemed better for me to stay put in the current position and wait for a miracle to happen.

2 days on….i’m regretting the decision.

Let’s see what 2012 brings in for me….hope I have a smile on my face when the world ends next December.

P.S- Unsurprisingly, this would be my last post of quite an eventful year. My sincerest New Year wishes to all.

Utterly Meaningless Post - Part III

Couldn’t sleep…so this.

I mean, I had turned in for the night…but was woken up by sounds of someone moving the all too complicated wiring attached to my laptop. There has been a rat infestation lately…so thought I would get to kill a rat today. All searching and scouting and cleaning done, found no rats found in my room.

Truly, there is this thing which I am planning to do…which was keeping me awake for about ½ hour or so after the lights were switched off. Questions like whether I would be able to do it? Whether I am capable enough of doing it? Wouldn’t this be far out of my comfort zone? The personal life implications it would have apart from probably messing up my already screwed grades etc.

Well, this isnt helping at all.

I cant detail the exact things going on in my mind right now…because ‘the thing’ cannot be announced.

It was stupid of me to have thought that I could write something sensible without actually divulging the premise.

Heck, guess I’ll have to read myself to sleep now….

Sherlock Holmes- hear I come!!

Conversations With A Soup

For the lack of a better word, as I still don’t know what I’m in...Lets call it this.

It is warm in here, I feel good in it, I feel like being in this soup will only do me good. Right then, I think, what the heck? Im in a bloody soup, Its not normally where people want to be.

So i decide to confront it pleading my case.

Soup- do u like being here?

Me- Yes

S- Do u want to be here forever?

Me –I don’t know. its good here and all, but a lifetime needs a lot of thinking.

S- I don’t have that time. I’m gonna go cold

Me- please don’t

S- I can’t help. I can’t be warm forever you know

Me- I understand completely (and trust me I do)

S- Then decide

Me- I still can’t. I know this is good, but somewhere I’m thinking whether this is the right soup? Did I really want to get in this? Or is it that there was no other and hence this? The very basis of me getting here is in question. What will happen to you if I stay? What will happen to me if I don’t?

S- I can’t answer those questions. It’s you who has to decide.

Me- True again. But what will help me decide? 

So, I call up my friend. He says (and I can’t blame him for that because he was not here when I did it) “dude...When you are in the right soup…you just know”

(A comforting pizza and a sleepless night later…)

S- So?

Me- The easiest way out seems to be me getting out of here. But I don’t want to do that either. I cant deny the fact that this soup is the tastiest yet. Its like I want to be here…but I cant. And if I think of getting out of here…I still can’t. 

S- I don’t blame you. Stay here for a little while longer.

Me (to myself)- Fuck me.

PS- may not be very well thought out or aptly named....hence the tag

lethargy

I don’t know what to call this post.

Frankly, whenever I start writing, its always the title which I begin with. They are mostly rip-offs from songs or movie names or something. This time, I am writing this all blank.

There was this training session at office today. Not a great one if you ask me. Because it concerned something I have lost faith on…the Performance Management System.

Nevertheless, I continued in the session and there was this one part where the trainer tried co-relating the personal and my professional life. And that, struck a chord. My personal goals were as important. So I have decided, atleast one post a week.

Agreed, that I may not have such life changing experiences as some of the famous bloggers do everyday. But what the heck, i realized, writing is one of the things I enjoy the most.

Right from the time, I was in my 1^st standard till now, inherently, there was always this guy who wanted to write something. Something which would probably help some one else get rid of their demons.

Right now, as I sit here, typing these lines, half drunk and fully frustrated, I realize, I need to write for my own sake. A catharsis which I oh so frequently need.

I will write from now on, not for some one else, but for my own joy.

I still haven’t decided what to call this. ‘Rebirth’ would be too strong…I have kind of messed up with the sanctity of that word.  After all, there is only a limited number of times a person can be reborn.

I just read something which I had written on the walls of my room. I don’t know the relevance of it to the post, but right now, it just fits.