Of 'Movies' and their 'Stars'....

Inspite being bitten by the ‘movie’ bug quite late…ive nevertheless seem to have made it in the who’s who of movie watchers in my circle. Ive tried my hands or shall I say eyes at almost everything I could lay my hands on..from the very cheesy Rajnikant and Chiranjeevi movies to the most ‘niche’ ones like the Quentin Tarantino or Shyam Benegal films.

“Some movies are to be tasted, some are to be bitten and some movies are to be chewed and digested” says yours truly when it comes to watching them. Theres so many movies around that you will probably die before you run out of watching movies churned out from Bollywood, Hollywood or South Indian Cinema every year.

But one thing that unites all of these movies is crap. There is crap in bollywood, there is crap in south Indian cinema and (yes my angrez loving friends) there is crap in Hollywood too.

You find movies which are poorly made, have no semblance of a story or a backdrop, have actors look like fools, pathetic comedy, even more pathetic melodrama and the worst climaxes. And yet some of these movies end up recovering their money or worse, becoming hits.

Ive watched probably every Akshay Kumar film since I joined my job. Each and every one of those movies had all the above characteristics and yet the truth is Akshay Kumar is now one of the highest tax payers in the country, is being pursued by every major director for his film. The same goes for the Rakesh Roshan films since Koyla. Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai, Koi Mil Gaya, Krrrrrrriiiiisssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh (pun absolutely intended!!) or the most recent form of torture he invented, Kites. These movies had no good stories to tell, not one of them had decent songs save KNPH and all of these movies had fiascoes for climaxes.


This takes even a more serious turn when it comes to Hollywood. Avatar, now officially the biggest grosser ever had nothing going on for it on the story front. All it had was the visual effects. I sometimes feel why do actors get paid so much if the real ‘hero’ of the movie was the VFX guy!!

Nagesh Kukunoor (the guy who made Hyderabad Blues) once commented at a famous award show, “We have a 1000 million people here in India, there is no need to look west for stories”. Yet all we have to offer to our people is bull dung like “De Dana Dan”, “Singh is Kinnnnnng”, “Chandni Chowk to China”, “Om Shanti Om”?

Of Indian actors and actresses (nay they are not actors, they’re just ‘stars’) the less said the better, we have idiotic looking people like uday chopra, jackieeee bhagnani, Harman baweja, Twinkle Khanna, Sameera Reddy becoming stars. There is nothing these people can do save show off their six pack abs or ignorant smiles. Imagine this, Aishwarya Rai, with a false American twang, with a face that could well be called a doll's for the fact that it can display no emotion and B grade Jag Mundhra type films to show for her Hollywood 'career' is the face of Indian Cinema , even India itself to the world. Guys! She’s just that : a face. An expressionless, false but nonetheless beautiful face.


The worst of all are us, the people who watch these movies and help people like Akshay Kumar become highest tax payers or an unknown entity called Barbara Mori to become a household name.

People! Grow up! There are people for whom movie making is a passion and they make good movies but are not able to recover their money just because they don’t have a starcast or are not able to market the movie well or plainly cannot include songs in them!!

Movie making is supposed to be an art! Acting, Music, Lyrics etc are all contributors to each movie. Let the purity of the art remain so and not let it become a business people like the ones cursed above have made it out to be.


I melain berio le.

The ‘Khatta’ Identity

My intention in writing this post is very noble. This post should serve as a ready reckoner to all my ignorant north (or west or east for that matter) Indians about a seemingly difficult topic- South India.

What I would be writing is pretty basic, but should be able to drive through a point through the thick skulls of some people; One point-WE ARE NOT ALL MADRAASIS. Period.

There are 4 major states comprising the south of India- Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Kerala. The IPL teams from these states too are different- Deccan Chargers, Bangalore Royal Challengers, Chennai Super Kings and the yet unnamed team from Kochi respectively. So 4 states, 4 teams- once again my friends- WE ARE NOT ALL MADRAASIS.

The English accent of the people of all the four states too is different. The AP guy would pronounce ‘your’ as uuuuur and ‘sure’ as ‘shooooor’. The kannadiga would add an extra vowel to the end of each word which ends with a consonant. E.g: what(e)? night(e) and the like. The e at the end sounds like the first e of ‘elephant’. The tamil guy will try very hard but ultimately fail not to put the suffix ‘da’ at the end of each sentence E.g: “Whaat are you doing da?” “Its not my fault da!” “I love you da!” They also are sometimes prone to play a little verbal football (pronounced futbaal) with the Ss and Zs. The kerlaite on the other hand would say sumthin like this “hi! My name is sam Jonny” (the jonny is pronounced like the second n of the hindi word mani” So four states, four different accents- WE ARE NOT ALL MADRAASIS.

Some myth busting about “Typically South Indian” things-

a. Our Cuisine is not limited to Idly/ Dosa/ Vada. We normally eat these things only for breakfast. There are other things that we eat for lunch/ dinner. So, if at any restaurant, they serve you dosas at dinner saying that it is a south Indian culture- you know u r being screwed!!
b. We do not add ‘Imli’ to each and everything that we cook. And the tamarind used is in general a substitute for the north Indian tomatoes which bring a tangy taste to the dish. We prefer eating tangy/ spicy food. Our food has a predominant taste unlike east Indian food which mostly comprises water and vegetables with about a milligram of spice thrown in with a kilogram of vegetables or north Indian food which comprises huge dollops of ghee/ butter or west Indian food which has tonnes of oil and quintals of red chillies (marathi)/ sugar( gujju) and nothing else.
c. We do not understand each other’s languages. This is the most important/ prevalent myth. Hence I need to assert once more- WE ARE NOT ALL MADRAASIS.
d. Our film stars are different. Although there are people who dabble in more than one language, it is mostly Chiranjeevi for AP, ShivRaj Kumar for Kannadigas, Rajnikant for Tamils and MohanLal for Mallus. I would very much like you people to google these names so that you get a clear idea who/ what I am talking about.
e. Not all south Indian women have the so called ‘thunder thighs’. It is for the masses that women like these are put to use just like the lewd songs in bhojpuri/ hindi/ Punjabi.
f. Our filmstars perform the seemingly impossible stunts only to please the masses (who else). The next time you think south Indian movies are cheap for this reason or the one above. Pls go watch Mithun Chakrborty/ Kanti Shah/ Ravi Kissen (Bhojpuri) or the endless B grade Punjabi pop singers.

So, the end approaches for this post. And Pls people- WE ARE NOT ALL MADRAASIS!!!



Navaer Im Mellon..

Middle Class Me!!

I don’t seem to understand this culture (for the lack of a better word, thanks to my miniscule vocabulary) that is gripping most of the people I see.

People visit spas, beauty salons every weekend, wear all kinds of outlandish clothes to malls, movies and the like. I don’t seem to get why people send thousands on a massage using exotic oils when I can get the same done for ten bucks at my local barber shop using nothing less than Navratna thanda tel. Why attend dance classes when youre over 30? And bang comes the answer…”uff! You’re so middle class!!”

A few years ago, when I first visited Pune, my friends and I went to this (then) swanky mall called the SGS. I was then wearing some cheap local tailor made half sleeve shirt and trousers. Wearing footwear of some cheap brand of which I cant even recall the name, I stood in awe of the crowd over there. Girls and guys wearing the best brands, flaunting oversized glares and swiss made watches. I used to think, my time will come. Soon, I will have a job, get decent money and will be able to wear the best brands, flaunt my glares and my watches and my shoes et al.

Today, Im earning decent cash for people my age. I am wearing nothing less than Reeboks for footwear, fastrack glares and branded Tshirts and denims. But inspite of all this, whenever I visit that mall, hoping to make some mark, I stand dumbfounded right at the entrance. People still wear better clothes, have still got the whackiest hairdos which other people take notice of, the hottest girls going around with good looking guys and I as is usual, stand alone. Even my batchmates, those I could crush (intellectually) way back in school or in college are going around flaunting the latest in fashion. These people are my age, earn more or less the same amount that I do, if not less. Then where is the difference? Why am I supposed to look like this stupid ‘gaonwaala’ in front of these ‘mod’ guys?

I cant seem to put the blame on either my college or my school background or my hometown as the same people I used to hang out with have moved way up on this ‘social’ ladder. Who am I supposed to blame then? Why should we bear the brunt of having to look so ‘out of fashion’? why should we be looked down upon as idiots who don’t seem to understand this culture? Why should I be treated as an outsider in my own hometown? When will I be able to join their league? Wouldn’t I be too old to do this stuff?

These are questions which remain unanswered. I have tried expressing this irony to those who are close to me and they either don’t seem to care or are in the ‘elite’ league already.

I still try and retain my hope but it isn’t going to stick around for more time……..